A corper’s thoughts

Hey guys, it’s me again

One thing or trait I’ve noticed about my self is how I keep things in too much.

I dont know if it has to do with me being the last of 6 children that has made me to not be soo open or if it has to do with my parents being strict when i was younger that just made me to become like that.

I wish it’s something I can change to become more outspoken when I have any issues.

I can be in an environment with people of different traits or characteristics and it could be that I may not be comfortable with some of their characters or behaviors and when they do things I don’t like, instead of telling them, I just keep bottling them up inside, but i find myself complaining about that which is pissing me off to another friend or person that may not even be involved in the whole matter at all.

Some friends have told me when i come to complain to them about someone else that i should tell the person but i end up not doing so. I just keep un holding it in untill it gets too much and I end up exploding the day we have a serious issue with each other.

Let’s take my place of personal assignment(ppa) which is where I’m currently undergoing my sevice year for example. Its a hotel, there are different people of natures that vary according to the type of people they are.

I’ve had an issue with a woman there who kept doing too much and pushing me to the wall but i always kept it in and didn’t say anything, till it became too much for me to swallow. I was always keeping quiet, not saying anything so as to avoid talk within the organization that i was rude to a senior staff, but in my opinion, she asked for it.

When I calmed down to think about the events that led to that situation I realized that I could have told her and aired my mind when she was doing the things that i didn’t like so that when it still got to that level, even if it escalated past that level, if asked I’d be able to say comfortably and confidently that I had told her earlier on when she had started doing it that I didn’t like it.

There’s also a scenario with another worker at the hotel, a male worker this time. This situation actually made me understand why it’s best to let your feelings out about what someone does that you may or may not like.

Soo when i first started working there I liked this man he was very friendly and we were on good terms and then suddenly like a default setting was switched on in him, he completely changed and started acting mean and different and was doing things that annoyed me but i didn’t say anything and was keeping it in, until the day it got to much and I exploded like a bomb at him.

After this event i decided it was best for me to start teaching myself to start talking when things I don’t like were being done to me, to avoid pent up feelings blowing up.

Another trait I’d also like to change is my stage fright. I have this huge fear of talking in public and in front of large crowds. I got a low mark in a course in school because of this actually soo I’d like to overcome that fear and become more confident soo it won’t cause me to loose important feats in the future.

Do take your time in reading and telling me what you think of what I had to say on this.

Thank you!!!!

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