Tuesday Comedy Compilation: Plants Rule, Crazy Bike Man, Stupidity Questions

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When plants rule the world and human become pets

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Different things always running through my mind that sometimes it always difficult for me to say it out because I don't want anyone to judge my foolishness. My thoughts sometimes are far different from normal being, because I always think things in opposite way, or assuming if things is like this, what would have happen.

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For the fact that I like assumptions, I sat down one evening and I started thinking a world where plants are the dominant species, and we humans are pets. Just imagine a world a plant decided it's high time to take charge of the world just because they are tired of being overlooked and underestimated by humans being.

Let just swap the role and let we humans play the role of adorable pets and let see how the world will look like. In a world where plant take charge and human were no master of their own life, instead their destiny is control by owner.

Imagine if that world turned upside down there are many events we should be expecting, such as new currency, plant as new celebrity and many more.

A world where plant rule what do you expect to be our new currency? That should be photosynthesis for their power structure. And our relationship with plants will now be a plants pet, obey their commandments.

All what we'll be doing is to take the duties involve watering our bosses and ensuring the perfect pH balance for our plant. And plant will be a boss to judge our performance based on our hardworking and management of the green leaf to keep its fronds

In a fashion world, plant will be competing who rock the most vibrant colors and greenish. Our celebrities will now come from tomatoes, pineapple, apple and others fruit. Plants will be there replacing human in reality TV show, take over entertainment industry, which I'm sure trees will be the best comedian and other paparazzi will come from the bushes.

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Nigerian with questions

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I always imagine why Nigerians like to ask stupid questions; they like to ask questions that are not relevant or questions that do not make sense.

I grew up in a town where the Yorubas are the most dominant, the Yoruba people belong to the tribe that can fire you with questions. They enjoy asking a question, in fact, if asking questions is a paid job in my town, most of them will make more than Elon Musk just for asking stupid questions.

If a Yoruba man or woman has seen you get up from your sleep, you will be asked again if you are awake. Is it possible for someone who is still asleep to open their eyes or get out of bed? All these questions seem like stupidity to me and so far I don't know why they feel it necessary to just ask a question whether it is relevant or not.

There is a time when I visit a canteen near me and order a plate of rice and chicken. While I was eating, one of my uncle's friends came in just as I was about to tear the chicken apart. He asked, "Dayo, are you eating?" I thought, I hope this guy isn't blind, so instead I answered him, "Yes," because I'm sure his eyes are wide open. I said, "No, I don't eat, I use a shovel to pack sand", he was shocked, but I don't regret answering him like that, because it's no use asking me if I'm eating when you see me really eat.

This morning I did the laundry again. A friend of mine who knew I don't like being asked stupid questions asked me "do you do laundry" when he saw me clearly doing laundry. I answered him harshly: "No, I don't wash myself, I fight with my clothes".

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Funny scene with a bike man

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If you are familiar with the streets of Lagos, you know that the streets of Lagos are always connected. The fact that the streets are connected is something some of us see as an opportunity to exploit the bike guy.

In Lagos, of course, you have to be smart. If you are not smart in Lagos, you can never be smart anywhere because Lagos is full of dramas that will make you smart even if you are not a sharp guy.

I thought I was one of the smartest guys in my street until one day I got a really crazy bike guy. Often when I don't have money to pay for a bike guy, I drop off somewhere near my house but not on my street and I keep the bike guy outside where I want to go in to bring him money by walking through another compound and take my route to another street, meanwhile the cyclist is still there waiting for me.

I'm not that bad of a guy but you have to be reasonable with those bike guys, in fact I'd say I'm straight guy but because many times bike guys have run off with my money so that's what pushes me to do revenge, so if i don't have any money i will play tricks on them too.

One sunny afternoon I was treaking home because I don't have money with me to take a bike, so I don't even bother calling a bike guy. I walk almost halfway, suddenly a bike guy appears and asks if I want to go, I said no. He stopped again and asked if I wanted to go with him. At that moment I wised up and something told me to go with him and runaway on my way after I reached my destination.

As usual, I turn into the next street in before my house and want through a corner because I don't have money to pay the bike man, I have already told him that I will be back soon, but not knowing that this man is following me. As soon as I passed the corner to the next street, I saw someone holding my pants from behind. When I turned back it was this bike guy who was holding me, he already knew I was going to run away because I didn't want to pay for the transport. That day I almost begged everyone in that street for money before this man lets me go.

Stay positive always!