Learn this: no one will change if they don't want to!.Week: 214


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In philosophical matters I was always a lousy student, or I just got bored when the teacher went back to the abstract cloud of the idyllic questioning of being or not being... so I was not very good with dialectics and the scrutiny of why we are one way or another.
That is why what I can write on this subject today is subjected to emotional issues strictly.

Life led me, excuse me! I led myself, to make decisions that personally do not weigh on me although I do feel a certain nostalgic but not at all whiny touch about not having had children at the right time, yes, that's the truth, but I did have a little girl who is the skin of my bones.
Technically she is not my child, but she is, I don't know if you understand me, she has my blood and we are alike in a thousand things but she was not born from me, but from my father, may God rest his soul, and as he had her at an advanced age the baby is the perfect age to be mine, although not my property, I learned with time that she has her own autonomy, something like that 😬.

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All the time I tried to influence her, positively of course, although being honest I admit that I was too strict and that had its negative consequences, I mean in terms of studies, always trying to mould her to my image and likeness, obviating a little her personal tastes and vocational attitudes, and I dare to confess to myself that I managed to activate in a very subtle and mature way a noble and responsible character in her from her adolescence to date.


Why then do people believe that they cannot influence "their close "people" to change certain aspects of their character, their attitudes, or their thoughts?


First of all, it is quite unlikely that you can influence someone who is not family, who is not a friend, if in fact within your family everyone is different, right?

There will always have to be a strong enough bond that allows you to achieve a spiritual connection with the person over whom you want to establish "a mould" for change, and the most important thing is that YOU are the reason for their admiration, that they want to copy you, that they respect you, and above all that they love you, that will make things easier, maybe it sounds manipulative, but from the perspective that it is done with the best intentions I do not give space to human wickedness, ok?

However, each person is genetically different, and elementary issues such as character and personality will emerge against all odds...for example: I would like to, no, I have tried to soften and tame my child's explosive character in the face of certain basic issues in life, and this has been really difficult for me.


Will she find the same tolerance for "her faults" outside her home environment that her family has whith her?


People are prepared from the bosom of the family to live in society, to form a family, to work and, following the natural order of life, to have children, so there are a series of codes of conduct that need to be inculcated if you observe attitudes that are not very tolerant of society.

FAMILY defines your essence as a person and influences your expressive character.


Watch out, children are watching you and copying you!


However, I would never dare to try to change "something" about a friend, because I knew them as they are, but we can influence their thoughts or attitudes, taking into account that this friend values you as one of their favourite human beings...

In the end, will we really be able to change someone who NEEDS change?


Then we will be asking ourselves another question
Why would you want to change someone, or why not change yourself?


I will give you one last example, in my work there was a 22 year old young man with problems in various areas, he did not comply with the rules of his work, he did not tolerate being called attention to and fell into disrespect, we tried to raise awareness through people close to him, people who understand him better and who have strong ties of friendship and family, but all to no avail.

The result: He is separated from his job, and if he does not change his attitude he will not be able to work anywhere else.

In other words, if you do not comply with certain norms of the society, the society will leave you out of it.

So WHEN do we change?
✔️Only when we are willing to do so.

This is my entry participating in the topics proposed by @galenpk for this weekend in this beautiful community.

If you could change something about someone close to you, what would you change, and why?
  • Photos taken with Redmi 9C
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  • Translator: Deepl.com (free version)
    s)

I apologise for the translation of this text as my main language is Spanish.


y que más da ser preciosamente imperfectos...png



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17 comments
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Bueno,iba a comentarte en inglés, pero ya no. Enseñar, ya es difícil, enseñar a un niño a seguir códigos que aún no entiende,es bien difícil, nuestros criterios de lo que esta bien o mal, pueden, de alguna manera, no ser correctos, y en mi opinión, al menos es como he intentado implementarlo, uno debe tratar de llevar los niños, mientras sea posible, por el camino que trazan nuestros códigos del bien, pero sin imposiciones, intento aconsejarlos, a mis niños, pero también les permito algo de autonomia que les permita a su vez tomar alguna decisión, que de ser errónea y haber tenido un conejo mio detrás, les permita comparar, ver el error y saber que su papá tenia razón, lo que de alguna manera supongo que los.llevara a escuchar von mayor atención la próxima vez y valorar con más detenimiento el consejo, ya que uno al haber vivido más, pues lógicamente tiene mas experiencia y más errores corregidos, y así, creo que funciona para todo el ser querido que uno quieta aconsejar o sobre el que quiera influir. Saludos.

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(Edited)

Tal cual, has resumido o ampliado todo lo que he tratado de explicar aquí en el post.
A los niños no se les impone un punto de vista, se les demuestra, pues teniendo en cuenta nuestro recorrido por la vida nos hemos equivocado muchísimas veces y trataremos de transmitirle la experiencia para que no cometan los mismos errores, pero ellos tienen derecho a equivocarse y aprender por si mismos....

"Nadie escarmienta por cabeza ajena" ... pero realmente el tema es más complejo...una cosa es influir a determinada edad y otra ya más adultos, en ese momento ya creen saberlo todo y lograr un cambio en ellos es más complicado.
!Gracias por tu comentario!

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Absolutely right, we only change by choice. I have changed several times and it was my decision for my own good, but you can never expect someone else to change because you want them to, it's your choice. 💗

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Exactly my friend, sometimes we need a shock therapy to understand that we are acting wrong, maybe it is not the best way, but suffering with the consequences of the mistakes made is that we accept that we did something wrong?
Of course, it's not the same to influence an adult person than a child, they will always be more malleable considering the sentimental connection between you and them...but let's leave the subject to a psychologist...😅
Thanks for commenting
🌹

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Ya cuando hay cierta edad hay que dejar a los hijos que tracen su propio camino, solo podemos aconsejar, pues cuando imponemos las cosas siempre se tiende a tomar otro camino y no precisamente el mejor, los tropiezos del camino son los que le darán la experticia para el futuro y la razón a los mayores, haciendo que creen una mejor visión de las cosas, un saludo para ti y muy buen tema. Feliz día

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Así es @mariolisrnaranjo ,se trata de aprender a través de los errores y fracasos,y a los padres nos toca alertar y cuidar siempre,y claro, acompañar durante el camino.
Gracias por tu comentario

🌹

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The process of change is given by necessity or by enlightenment and it is the person willing to change who decides it. When we are kids, there is a great way to teach, and that is by example. The other way is imposing and creates wounds that are not easy to heal when we are adults.
No one should want to change another person. This only validates the theory that the first to change is the one who tries to change the other. That which he sees in the other person, he carries within him and must resolve it.

It was very nice to read you, sorry for being late.

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Dear @nanixxx : it's never late when happiness is good, it's really a great pleasure that you liked my writing and I thank you, and I assure you that I love to read such a special being that you are. 🌹

As for the topic, in my very personal case, I understood that I was very blind and stubborn with my child, and I learned through her suffering that I was hurting her.Evidently the one who needed to change was me, and I did.

Thank you for reading me, nice night to you.
❤️

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Very good reflection @adaluna. As you rightly say we influence our children by sowing in them correct norms and values through example, as children imitate us at all times. In the case of adults they already have well established their character and their way of understanding life. It is very difficult for someone to change just because of a few ideas. If they do not identify with the arguments, the words will be swept away by the wind. We can't get another person to see the world through our eyes. I liked your post very much. Regards 😊

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Si la persona no desea cambiar es imposible, todos los esfuerzos seran nulos. Ojala ese jóven pueda entender que su comportamiento no lo está ayudando. Aveces sucede que quieren un cambio, pero en realidad el que necesita es el que lo está pidiendo.

Interesante está iniciativa un abrazo @adaluna1973

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¡Gracias por pasar acá!

Esencialmente era la idea, nadie cambia si no lo entiende así, por lo que mirémonos primero.

❤️

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