Just Let Me Breathe

My family calls me Miss because of how much organized I am at home. Honestly, they think I’m organized but I’ll say I’m rather simple. There’s not really much mess to make when you have almost nothing in your space.

Over the years, it’s been a hassle for me at home because I’m always trying to clear my space, either donate or upcycle somethings. In one of those clearing projects, I took out a lot of old items. From teddy bears, to shoes, to bags to jewelries.

It took me a while to let them go because of sentiment attachment. What fueled my energy was the fact that these things had cluttered my room and as someone who hates clutter, I spent weeks sleeping on the couch in the living room. And at a point, I just wanted to go back to my space.

I began by removing everything off my wall, replaced the frames with something more simple and then got rid of all the things that needed to go. Most of these things were bought by my aunt when I was a kid so when she entered my room one day, she gasped and I knew hell was going to break loose. After I explained the situation to her, she didn’t look happy at all.

I still don’t really understand how she wanted me to be okay with some things she got for me when I was a kid and has no use for me as an adult. Aunty Aliya, tell me what exactly I’m supposed to do with those legos as at this age? What exactly should I be doing with all those Barbie books?

She didn’t speak to me for days and I got it that she was hurt but I believe she could have understood that I was now an adult and didn’t need them anymore. She used to get me really cool stuff but she stopped doing that. Maybe in her eyes I’m still little Abenad because these elders never want to see us grow. I apologized several times before she began talking to me again.

Normally, she would hangout in my room after a tiring week but she stopped. “Your room lacks emotions and character”, she would always say and by emotions she meant stuff which I believe is clutter. I still get to hangout with her but it’s not as before, all in the name her “I’m an adult now and don’t need her around”. Funny part? She agreed that my space looked better.

Nobody in my house mistakenly leaves their item in my room. They dare not even forget because they know they won’t come back to meet it the next time. As I always say, the kind of peace that I get from having a free space is something I’m not ready to compromise for nothing. If I had my way, I’d probably live in an empty room but that’s not possible, is it?