Into The Land Of Subconsciousness

I wasn’t going to write about this until I saw Nhaji write that sleep takes everyone’s problems away. If that is true, then it’s really not fair to me because my problems start right after sleep takes me away.
For a long time I wasn’t a deep sleeper until recently. I figured it was the best for me looking at my problem but that was a mistake. I know people that don’t dream and don’t care about it. I wish I could say that for myself. I dream and most of the time I even refer to my dreams as a series because they continue.

Have you ever dreamt and then woken up at night and then when you go back to sleep, you continue from where you stopped? At first it was scary for me, it was as if I was watching a movie the previous night and couldn’t finish so I came back to press play. For countless times, I’ve felt deja vu. Even when I was a kid I used to say “oh but this happened last week”. I used to say it a lot so my mom always made sure I always prayed before going to sleep because according to her those were dreams I had that was coming true.

Now that I’m an adult, I don’t need anyone to tell me what she said was true. I’ve never gone a night without dreaming. It’s either I dreamt and I don’t remember or I just don’t want to remember. If there’s something I don’t play with, it’s my dreams. I wouldn’t want to share certain things but then I truly believe my dreams hold deeper meanings.
Sometimes I feel like God knows how naive and innocent I am when it comes to friendship so I see through people in my dreams a lot.

I remember that particular dream I had about one of my closest friends in the university, I never believe it. I didn’t want to so I blamed it on my overthinking. In fact naive me even shared the dream with him and he overreacted. That should have been my cue but then he was a really good friend or so I thought. The kind of things this boy did to me? Oh my, I’ve never experienced friendship betrayal that was so painful like that. Well, I had it coming and I blame myself.

Of all my dreams, the ones I hate are the ones I get after watching a movie. The movie just continues in the worse way ever in my dream and then I’ll see myself in the dream as a character. I know this is my fault because I have wild imaginations but I didn’t give those imaginations to myself, did I? Afternoon dreams?? Oh that’s a whole story for another day.

As I already said, people dream and don’t remember. Others also believe they don’t dream at all. It’s the opposite for me so I don’t play with my dreams because of my experience.

All images are mine