Choose Your Hard
Growing up, I was not the kind of girl to hold grudges. I think that’s because I grew up amongst boys. I saw how my brothers could easily fight and come close to killing each other in the next minute would be seen playing GTA. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you all the hard time I had in Senior High School was because I was always confused about how the whole girls “grudges” worked. Yes, I went to a Girls School.I mean I had adapted to the “boys” lifestyle and these girls fights seem weird.
Gradually I transitioned from that lifestyle and settled in the whole girls lifestyle. It took me a while to understand how the whole grudges thing even worked,I mean a year is a while right?(yes that’s how long it took me)
In the beginning,I was literally pretending like I was hurt and holding on to the things people did to me.
The interesting discovery I made was that I actually found it hard to forgive people who hurt me. An upclose discovery I made was that, it was rather easy for me to forget what people did to me even without really forgiving them. To me, forgiveness was a bitter pill to swallow.
It affected me and led me to make some questionable choices in Senior High School.
Let’s talk about now. It’s so hard for me just look at you and remember all that you did to me and tell you to go and sin no more. No, don’t get me wrong.The thing about me is even though I fully really won’t let go, I also won’t hold onto it. You might be asking how?
There’s this “important” person in my life who is no more in my life but still important. He hurt me really bad and honestly I can’t really find myself forgiving him but the thing is I am not angry, I’m not bitter, I’m no more hurt.
Trust me when I say I sometimes have to close my eyes before remembering what he did because as I said my adaptation is to forget. I don’t know if that’s a type of forgiveness, but I think it’s everyone and what works for them(Since forgiving is a hard thing for me, I just choose to forget). Thankfully, I’m lowkey nonchalant too so things don’t really bother me but when they do, it’s harder for me to forgive than it is for me to forget(Read that again). The moment I can’t really remember what you did, it’s fine because to me that’s way better than forcing myself to forgive.
Trust me,forgiving is really hard and forgetting is also not easy. They are both hard especially if you are deeply hurt but I found out what works for me and chose to stick to my “hard”. I wont really tell you what to do but you know yourself so it’s better to be honest with yourself and choose your hard.
Pretty damsels forgive so easily 🥹🥹
No we don’t actually 😂
Finally someone like me. Yes forgiving is super hard especially for people who don’t hold on to small or petty things.
At times I can be really petty and I like how I am. Now, when you do something to me that I don’t like it’s really easy for me to tell you that I don’t like it. But when am really hurt I don’t forgive. We are humans and it’s normal in my opinion. Sometimes all we need is time to accept a situation and for me I wouldn’t allow myself to be forced into forgiving someone if I don’t want to🤣
Ahhh finally 🤣🤣
Exactly how I am , I can’t be forced to forgive you,it’s really not in me🤣
High five😂
This is tricky, for most people forgetting has always been the most difficult part, in fact it comes last after they have manage to forgive the person but for you it seems forgetting what a person has done to you comes first before forgiveness. One of the reasons why forgiveness is difficult is because we hold onto the memories of the pain
I mean if you are able to forget, does it not make forgiveness a lot easier for you.
I really know right
It’s tricky
So I have figured that maybe, just maybe my own forgiveness starts with forgetting
I would rather just forget what you did and it does the magic for me
Well, that is simple then
You definitely don't have the mentality of a typical female.
I guess
I can relate to forgiving being harder than forgetting. It comes with the actual emotions that come with the hurt rather than what really happened.
I get that too when I am hurt by someone so much that even if I forget what they did to me I can't ignore the feelings attached to it nor can I forgive them for making me feel that way. I guess it's a form of forgiveness too and there's some wisdom in it because you won't want to let the other person repeat the same thing to you. Unlike some who would force forgiveness and try to forgive and forget only to make themselves vulnerable to the same situation all over again.
Exactly that, I really think it’s some form of forgiveness too
I actually find your kind rare, I mean come to think of it, in my opinion I think it's not possible to forget something someone did to you except you've forgiven them, if you haven't forgiven, one can't forget, but I'm just discovering that it can work the other way round from your perspective.
But then as someone who's has gone through hurt I know how difficult it's to overcome such not to talk of forgiving and forgetting.
Oh I’m actually surprised that people find my type rare
But that’s what actually works for me so I’ve been sticking to it
Is good to forgive so easily
Thank you for being honest with your post. We all should choose our hard. If that works for you then it's fine but I feel the pain might still be there hiding somewhere. lol
Oh trust me if the pain was hiding somewhere they would have gotten small action from me….those who know me would know this😂
Forgiveness is nowhere near easy, especially when you are hurt to the point your emotions get maimed. Mostly we forgive to help ourselves get better, maintain our mental health and not precisely because the offender deserved it.
You’re right
Unlike you, I can easily forgive you but hard to forget...how do you even do this? Huh? Forget easily but not forgive? That's really ok because if can't remember the hurt, that means it won't bother you but whenever you see the offender, you might just remember again, haha 😂
If I remember again, problem has come 😂
Nothing beats the feeling of having a free mind and letting bugging, caged thoughts, go away. That feeling is heavenly.
Although, sometimes it's very hard to let go, that's where we need to culture our hearts.....just the way you did yours
Erm… yeah
This is tricky. I have been reading this line over and over and over again to understand the possibility of it. For me, as long as I am no longer angry, bitter, or hurt, then you are forgiven. But for you not to be angry, bitter, or hurt but still not be able to forgive, it's a mystery, darling.
You're indeed unique.
Yeah with what people are telling me it looks like my method is new and rare
Because as a really “I don’t care” person, you might offend me and I will find it hard to forgive you but deep down I’m not hurt, I’m not bothered…I’ll even forget
Amazing
Friend you are right. Growing up, you didn't do anything to hold back. Along with that, I have also seen a lot of conflicts between brothers, quarrels, murders, etc. It is great kindness that you have adapted yourself to the boys as well. Which often introduces such a moment in the field of education. Sometimes you have to dress up as a girl even if you are a boy. I hope that Almighty God bless you with all the skills.
I would have prefer the guy type lifestyle for you and it is true we rarely fight and if we do, we will connect back within minutes. holding grudges isn't a good thing to be honest and we should learn to forgive easily
Yeah I wish I could go back
Thank you for sharing your story. Forgiveness is hard but forgetting is harder for me.
That’s understandable
I know people who say they've forgiven you but yet do things that contradict the forgiveness, it's better to forget whatever the person did if you can't forgive, these two words are really strong words when it comes to being hurt, sometimes you'd be confused on which one to use.
You get it.
I’m so nonchalant that it sometimes scares me. But the one time that you do something that I actually have to think about, marks the end of whatever relationship I have with you. I’m definitely going to forgive you, I won’t stress about that. But I’m going to forget you, I will definitely make sure you no longer hold any value in my life.
This is called “last killer”😂😂