Brain Said No But Mouth Said Yes

I don’t know when I’ll ever get over what happened on the afternoon of 16th October, 2019.
As the only female child of my parents, I didn’t even know there was a way to behave as a girl. I was so used to doing everything the boys way. Yeah, that’s another way of saying I was stubborn.

At the age of around 15 to 16 years, my fellow female friends were so busy with physical maintenance, doing everything possible to look like “that girl” in front of boys. They all wanted to be the “IT GIRLS”. I on the other hand didn’t even know what that was all about. I was always in sweatpants and shirts but mostly “car wash jumpsuits”.

Years later, I tasted the whole “that girl” sauce. “Na so una dey do for here? And nobody invited me”?, that was totally my thoughts all the time. I realized there was a better life. There was more to life than always being in sweatpants behind the console. I learned a lot about “unnecessary” girls stuff and I was all up for it.

However, one thing went wrong. I heard about how it was so important to gain weight “in the right places” as a girl. I started eating a lot, a lot X 3. I ate all the “eatables” in the world. I made all the smoothies in the world, bruhhh, I literally spoiled the blender at home that period( I’m sorry mama). What do you even mean, I had a goal.

If Nana can hear me, someone should tell her I am still mad at her not stopping me when I was going too far!.(Sorry guys, I just had to let that out).

Nobody told me not gaining weight the right way would come with “tummy weight” too. I mean, I didn’t even have any coach. I was just eating all the time. From morning to dawn. Instead of being called that girl, people were calling me fat girl, not once in a day, not twice in a day, but thousand. The “IT GIRL” was not “ITING”.

On the 16th of October, 2019, there was a family meeting and as usual I was tired of the “eiii you’ve become fat o, eii you’ve become fat o”. Right when I thought, they were done making me feel like a donut soaked in water, my least favorite cousin from nowhere asked me “eii, are you pregnant , what have you been eating?”

At that point, I could feel my soul transitioning into avatar mode. “I ate your brain and that’s why you have no brain of yours and always have to depend on your junior brother for common sense”, I thought to myself because my brain knew that was a wrong thing to say to an elder. I felt like a hero for 5 seconds, at last, I had made a great first comeback.

After transitioning back from the avatar mode, I realized even though my brain said no, my mouth only understood but never agreed. It wasnt only in my thoughts but I rather screamed it and caught the attention of every other relative. I could feel my veins being blocked by the stares and my lungs closing. “What have I done, why did I even say that?”

That very moment, I realized I had been doing unto others what I never wanted them to do unto me. It was clear that all this while that I had been teasing my cousins, I sure couldn’t stand an iota of being teased myself. I covered my face and run out of the house. I was so embarrassed because I knew better than to say such a thing to an elder.

Did I apologize? Well, if gifting him a crochet beanie the next day counts as an apology then I guess I did but up till now, anytime I remember, I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from transitioning into that avatar mode. It did me no good.

All images are mine

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