The new me.

Good day to you all here in the Inkwell community.

“At times its best to LET SOMETHINGS GO”

I am not a soul who gathers a lot of friends. So I am always finding it a little hard to mingle with people at times. But most times when I come closer to such a person, I unleash my full attention to those people and make sure not to ever lose them. They will always be so dear to me.

Another thing is the fact that we are also different in our ways. You can’t expect everyone to be the same. That can't happen. What matters most is understanding each other and accepting each other's flaws for who they are.

My story

As I said, I am not the type that relates a lot with people. This must have affected my love life. And I accept that to be myself. Some people even call me an introvert but to some people, I am an extrovert 😂. It depends on how close we are.

Sometime around June last year. I was in my service year. I had an encounter with a lady. She is cool and calm. I love her ways. She is just like me. You can't define who she is until you get closer to her.

I tried all I could get myself close, I felt I would get it done with time. It was something gradual. From just greeting each other, we got closer and we began to share words. From there I even began to like her and we got so close.

I thought of expressing my feeling to her. I am not sure if she would accept me for who I am. But at least I should give it a try. I walked up to her one day, summoned that courage, and also told her how I felt about her. She smiled and told me she would give me a response in time. I was so eager to hear feedback from her.

That was so nice of her. It didn’t stop us from having our normal ways. But I am in full-time suspense just to get feedback from her.

After a few months, I asked her about the response she wanted to give me. She smiled and said she is still thinking about it. I was sorry to ask her, but if she is not interested she can just let me know. She felt reluctant. And told me she would give a response the following day.

I couldn’t sleep that night. 😂. It was like 24 hours was just too long for me. Only if I could turn the hands of time, I will do it that very day.

The D-day came to light and I was expecting that response from her. If it is yes. Then we are good to go. And if it is a NO then I am to turn a new leaf and reduce my closeness.

When I met with her, seeing me must have reminded her about her promise. She signaled me to check on my phone for a message. I knew this wouldn't turn out well. It should be something she has to say to my face but why my phone? I rushed home to get my phone and the first message I got on my WhatsApp was

Am sorry, we can't be together. I have someone already.

Ooh. So this must be a capital NO. My heart raced so fast and I could feel some kind of heat even when I am cool on the outside 🙃. I became speechless for the time being. What pained me the most was the fact that she knew she had someone else she liked, but she still played me for that long. The suspense, anticipation, and burden she put me through were just way too much.

Turning a new leaf.

With time I tried getting over the disappointment I got. It wasn’t easy at all. But I just had to do it. If I should keep speaking with her like before, my heart would hurt more. So I felt I should just distance myself a little from her and keep my cool. I had to face my life for some time and not even bother to tamper with love or relationship matters.

Even if I get to see someone I like. I am not having the zeal to speak up as much as I could before. The reason is that I know how much it will hurt me to lose someone so close and those are people I value. So if I feel I like someone, I will go straight and tell my feelings before we get so close. That way I can have my hands clean and my heart cleared of disappointments.