I won’t be an authoritarian parent.

Good day to you all my tutors and learners here on hive.

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I remain this humble soul who is always ready to appreciate my existence on the surface, once we realize that staying alive is never by our power or might then we know that all we have to do in life is to thank God for his mercy and grace over us.

We all have different ways in which we were brought up. But this is something we have no choice but to accept. Only if there is room for change or swapping of parents some children would have done so, while some will never make that attempt.

As we all came from different homes, we surely have different parenting styles. Many times I do ask my friends on which side of their parents they fall to mostly. Some would say their father is the best to them but their mum is a no-go area and vice versa.

To me, I fall more to the side of my mum than my dad. They say the male child gets closer to their mum than their father but when they get to some stages they appreciate their father more. The same thing applies to the female child who would show more closeness to their father as child but when motherhood hits, then they tend to appreciate their mothers the most.

Now I am getting to appreciate my dad the most. But the closeness hasn't gotten that much. I tend to know how uneasy it was for him to be a father. Though I know I am not yet even at the tip of being a father yet. But I am beginning to feel it already.

_{Image sourced from canva and edited on canva app}

This would take me straight to the prompt for week 52 edition 1 on the hive learners community and the topic to be discussed is AS A PARENT.

TYPES OF PARENTING

• AUTHORITARIAN
• AUTHORITATIVE
• PERMISSIVE
• UNINVOLVED

These are the four common styles of parenting and taking a look at the terms we should start deriving some definitions that suit them.

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Authoritarian is the parenting style whereby the parents give strict order to their children and enforces discipline on them without showing concern. They also give rules and regulations without negotiation or explanation. These are strict parents.

Authoritative parents are parents that show concern about their children’s feelings when they lay down rules and regulations. They give discipline and are strict with their children but they give room for feedback from the children and also negotiate reasons behind their rules and discipline. They are closer to their children than the authoritarian.

Permissive parents are the ones that are not strict with their discipline. They give rules but don’t follow up with them and they also play more of a friend than a parent. They believe a child should do better without much interference from the parent.

Uninvolved parents are the free range parent, they don’t care about the children and don't bother about how they feel or their whereabouts. They don’t spend much time with their children and also believe all children are to grow on their own.

After getting to define the types of parents we have, then I would say my Dad falls under the authoritarian umbrella and my mum falls under the authoritative category. So both of them imbibed a lot of discipline in us while we were younger and we appreciated them for that.

There are times when I look at dad and remember his old ways when we were younger. You dare not change his voice. His Yes is always a Yes and No is No. 😂. I wonder about that kind of strictness. Even his younger siblings feared that discipline in him despite their age not to talk of his kids.

_Pixabay.com

The disadvantages of the authoritarian parent my dad was is that he must have scared us away from him and also not listening to our opinions and ideas which might have affected us. There was a time I chose to go for a different course I would love to study. But I felt so reluctant to tell him. I have told mum several times. She told me to go and discuss it with him, she gave me courage. But on getting to him he never gave me the chance. He told me to study what course he chose. But fate changed it for both of us and brought me something better 😂.

Dad has been that way and I don’t think he sees it as something bad, I feel that’s the best way to help us.

I have learned to be strict and disciplined too but I have promised myself never to be an authoritarian, instead I would be an authoritative parent to my kids. I believe the kids must be heard and their opinion matters. I believe in giving advice to my kids and making them know the reason behind the strict acts and making them learn from their mistakes.

As a father, I won’t be permissive, because when children have no one to discipline them the outcome would fall back on the parents and bring regrets for not taking responsibility while they were young. I wasn’t pampered by both parents and I won’t pamper my kids till they get spoiled. There is no room for that.

If their mother is an authoritarian, then I would make sure I persuade her to be authoritative. Having both parents be authoritative is the type of environment I want for my children. At times I might feel permissive. But that would come once a blue moon.

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What kind of parent are you or you would like to be? What kind of parenting did you receive??